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The Ultimate Cheat Sheet to Self-Confidence

One of the things that kept me from doing everything I wanted to do in college and even high school was the fear of being judged, the fear of what other people would think about me. It took me sitting cross legged on my granddad’s floor in front of a full length mirror to finally realize… If they are not offering me a job, other people’s opinion DOES NOT MATTER.

Standing at 6’2 and well over 250 pounds of course I was bigger than most people I hung out around, and does that affect my confidence, it used to. Does it now–Not one bit. I have come up with 7 “cheats” to gain self-confidence! Sit back, take notes if you want… this is the one time a cheat sheet won’t cause you a trip to the Dean’s office.

1. Kill the negative thoughts.

We’re going to wrap our hands around every single one of those negative thoughts that insist that you aren’t good enough, or that you don’t fit into a certain image and we’re going to kill them RIGHT now. My freshman year I started writing notes in dry erase marker on my bedroom mirror. I’d write “You are beautiful” or “Don’t let anyone hurt your pride today.” That may sound like it doesn’t matter, but it does. A lot of low-confidence comes from other’s opinions of you. When you look at your mirror, you will only see positivity. That positivity will be associated to your day. It WILL help. At one point, I had my friends write the notes and leave them on the mirror whenever they came by. I knew that I wasn’t alone and that meant more than  almost anything else.

2. Dress how you WANT to feel.

Whenever I had a bad night and it was time to wake up the next morning, I dressed like I was on top of the world. It doesn’t sound like much, but you dress for how you want to feel. Ladies throw on your best jeans, a nice top that fits, and a pair of heels, boots, or your favorite sneakers and STRUT YOUR STUFF. Don’t let anyone see you sweat, you are beautiful so go ahead and FLAUNT it.

3. Don’t take others thoughts to heart.

Don’t take other peoples opinions to heart. Growing up my granddad used to tell me “Why are you so upset about other people? Don’t let them rent space in your head. That means you’re giving them all the power.” I carry that with me whenever I feel like I’m getting “in my feelings” because of someone else’s actions. Why should anyone have control over your emotions BUT you. You aren’t Pinocchio, so cut loose the strings their holding onto you and be yourself without any repercussion.

4. Tinker with the small things.

If you’re upset and you can’t quite figure out why. Mentally decide why, decide why you’re upset, what makes you that way. Why isn’t your confidence where it should be? Declutter your outer life, and it will for sure have an effect on your emotional life.


Write out your emotions. Get it ALL out. Write it on paper, on your phone, on your tablet, wherever you need to write it. Write all of the reasons you’re beautiful. DO NOT STOP UNTIL YOU GET OVER 30 REASONS. I know without a doubt that their is. They don’t all have to be physical. Beauty exudes in everything that you do! It comes from your intelligence, your ability to give back, your skills. Keep writing… and before you go to bed every night read over them. If you stop before 30 ask your friends and family. I can guarantee you that you will have that list done in no time!

6. Create an achievement log.

This requires writing again… start a chart and keep it somewhere noone else can find it. Every time you accomplish something; passing a test, helping a neighbor, going the day with a smile, anything. Add it to the chart. Whenever you get in a funk review the chart, and know that you are still pushing and confidence will come!

7. Forgive yourself

Don’t blame yourself for your past. Stop beating yourself up. Smile. Know that no matter what you can’t change the past…. keep going. As your self confidence rises, you will live a happy,more fulfilling life.

These are just a few of my favorite Cheat Sheet Codes to Self-Confidence. Drop yours in the comment section!

Plus Size & Content.

I’m going to open today’s blog with a question… How many times have you looked at a woman and judged her? Whether it’s her hair, height, clothes, or size? It’s pretty common right? People do it everyday, but does that make it okay or even right? Probably not. Today’s topic will be Plus size in a world that doesn’t accept it.

I have always been a big girl, probably as long as I can remember. I was teased mercilessly. I transferred schools because it was so bad, but at some point I was able to hold my head up and realize if I love me then no one else matters. But I wonder, who is to say that being plus size is bad? Yes, I understand everyone wants to throw the health option out there, but I have always been a primarily healthy child all my life. I just so happened to all on the bigger side of things.

Then, people blame the media, and that is the point where I began to agree. The media will throw all of the reasons out there as to how skinny is pretty and it is the best, and I’m not knocking any body type in particular I can promise that much, but at the end of the day it’s all in how you carry yourself.

As a big girl it may be harder for me to find clothes that fit my style in the size I want, but in this day and age of the internet that is very much possible. Confidence can be felt from others who walk past even when you don’t think so.

Advice Section:

Don’t worry about what other people have to say. Stop focusing on a pouch in the front, because you can be gorgeous with or without it. Other people’s opinions will NOT get you a dream job. Other people’s opinions will NOT get you loved. People are quick to bash “that big girl over there” or tell her to lose weight? But if your heath is good, and you’re happy. Everyone else’s opinion is IRRELEVANT.

Peace, Love, and Later ❤

No More Judgement… No More Hate.

I’m sure enough people are sick of the Mike Brown rants, raves, opinions, etc…. but that’s not EXACTLY what this is. I want to touch on the situation slightly. I know I haven’t been posting much, but life got real with senior year and for that I apologize and I will become much more active.

I would like to add a disclaimer early. As much as I DO NOT agree with the outcome of the verdict that was the decision, and the way that Americans are acting in that city right now is insane. The evidence that was presented was all over the place, and if you have to vote based on the actual evidence that was given, and not based on hearsay, and not based on news media, then they did not vote unfairly. Once again, this is only my opinion.

I am however upset, dismayed, and tired of men who look like my family members killed, arrested, and lost in a system that I don’t believe is fair to them. Again, this is only my opinion and I do acknowledge that my opinion is not that of everyone. There is a privilege in America that some acknowledge and some don’t and it will always be there. There are instances where people try and give examples of outliers that may not have that privilege.

I pose a question…. how often were you in a dark area at night found yourself locking your door or being suspicious of a black male because it was late? This does not matter if you are black, white, old, young, male or female? The media does it, the mind does it… society does it…

Can we stop the judgement long enough to LOVE everybody? Regardless of color? I am speaking specifically to my black men… because as of TODAY…. right now… THEY need it…. I love each and every one of you. 🙂

In closing I’m going to add a poem I wrote almost 6 months ago (Very rarely will you see me add my poems on this blog… I have an entirely separate blog for that.)…. 10 Things I want to Say To Our Black Men Inspired By Joshua Bennett’s 10 Things I Want To Say To Our Black Women.

  1.        I wish I could take the black velvet in your voice and hold it for ransom, so that every night before I go to bed you could whisper sweet nothings into my dreams and fight off every bad guy that has inhabited my voice. I want you to destroy all of my demons with the bass in your vocal cords and using the microphone of your smile, I want you to promise me infinity… you are king….
  2.        The stride in your walk, and the confidence in your stance arouse me. It reminds me of all of the reasons that you are my lion and that you will always protect your pride. Darling you are the king of this jungle known as life and my dear black man, I know that you will be taking over.  Every person you encounter will be impacted by your grace, and everything you touch will turn into ebony…. You sir…. Are a rare commodity.
  3.        Who else can raise the black queens society needs? Noone can show women what they deserve if they aren’t taught it growing up. Black men stand up! You are able to turn lives around with a simple held open door, you are able to prevent our young black women from being afraid of love if the person who is supposed to love them from day 1 stays around.
  4.        In the darkness of night I can spot the smooth chocolate skin of the men that I have fallen in love with…. Your skin reminds me of everything that has my heart… the lyrics across a page that I spill my secrets into… the nighttime sky that holds my thoughts when sleep just does not want to visit me….and even smooth chocolate that everyone is raised to fall in love with….
  5.   People are quick to take your name in vain my most praised black man… people are quick to call you a thug, a gangter, or a nigga… but we must defy all stereotypes and let them know “YOU DID NOT COME HERE BY CHOICE!” they brought you into this country and now my men you are here to takeover. No more shall they judge you because of your slang, because regardless of how you speak you are still your own man, and we still love you. I am sorry for the woman who told you that you never will… and the teacher who gave up on you… I apologize for the judgemental eyes that lock doors when you pass, because people were always taught to fear what they don’t understand… but you are not meant to be understood….. because you are perfection
  6.         Your hands heal wounds, builds mountains, creates dreams, and touches the moon… any and everything that you do will always be remembered, because you are remarkable.
  7.        You are the sound of a newborn, reminding a mother that love always exists….
  8.        When we are married, I will stand by you as your black queen ensuring that our household is happy, and that there is nothing you can possibly want. Together we will build hope for our future, and remind others that anything is possible. We will join as one and make love until there is nothing else to make… baby we will be what everyone admires…
  9.     Black man… ignore the lies that have been formed… ignore the ridicule that you WILL face. Don’t fall into a stereotype that you did not help build. Stand up chest out, and prove to everyone why we love our black men…
  10.   ……we need you NOW more than ever…. Our dear black men…..

Truth is… We hide because we want to be found… We walk… because we want to see whose willing to walk behind us….

Truth is… We hide because we want to be found… We walk… because we want to see whose willing to walk behind us…. We talk because we are really just trying to see who is really paying attention, but the real question I want to pose is why do we do so many things in hopes to see what others are going to do in response?

Isn’t that what many professions are based off of? You are basing your entire life off of other people, if other people are going to buy your products, if other people are going to watch your shows, if other people are going to do this, if other people are going to be interested in that, and you wonder why people say that we MUST be humble. Humbleness is something that has slowly become lost in society because people are forgetting that you HAVE to depend on other people for SOMETHING, that there is NOTHING you can do alone, absolutely nothing.

Let’s think logically for a moment, you can hate people with absolutely every fiber of your being but you are going to need people for something, some part of your every day life is going to depend on a person doing their job, some part of your money intake is going to depend on a person, you will not survive in the world without another living soul… that thought is not the best thought right…. but it’s true….

Humble is defined as having or showing a modest or low estimate of one’s own importance. Humility is important…. I leave you with this… know how to deal with people. Know your worth ALWAYS. Know your value, and NEVER allow it to be taken advantage of…. BUT ALWAYS… ALWAYS remain humble… because the same people you are “walking over” or claiming you’ll NEVER need… you just might. Have an amazing day my readers 🙂

Through Amazon Living Lens (T.A.L.L.)

10 Things I Hate About Black Greek Life

It’s articles such as this that turn people away from black greek life. Yes! Everyone is open to their opinion, but when you are OPENLY telling people why NOT to join and leaving out ALL of the positives reasons behind greek life maybe the reasonings behind your joings were skewed…. yes some things should be done better… no everything isn’t perfect… but the media doesn’t help our portrayal. Black greeks contribute to society on a daily basis! We give back, we make a difference, in house arguing DOESN’T matter. If we don’t change our media image and perception… how can we expect anyone else to see us ANY different?!- Signed a proud member of Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority Incorporated Member who LOVES and PRIDES herself on being a member of BLACK GREEK LIFE!

The -F Word *covers mouth dramatically*

Yes! Two posts in one day! Who knows… it may be three. I keep trying to convince you guys I’m not in control of my thoughts. Well now I want to keep it simple and discuss…. feminism. *gasps* yes. the -F word that sends trembles through even the strongest people, but that’s where people have it confused. People equate feminism with man hating, she women who think that we can lift cars and fly or some other super human insane things.

Okay well if I put enough thought into it… I’m sure I could, but come on people! Feminism is simply believing EVERY person is equal regardless of race, gender, sexuality, etc. Although many believe that will never be possible… if we STOPPED thinking in terms of outward appearances maybe it could be. The same goes for women. We can’t one day say “I’m a woman treat me equal”, and then the next say “I’m a woman, treat me as such” Sorry I’m all for contradictions, but let’s put that one back in the top drawer and close it back, lock it, flush the key, and never go look for it again.

Feminism is not about hating men. In fact I appreciate our men. I appreciate what they do for us. I completely agree we should be equal across ALL spectrums but I must say I appreciate my black men for raising black women to believe they are just as equal as every other woman because society does not equate them as such.

Now, next time you drop the -F bomb… let’s not picture “she-man men haters” but let’s picture everybody of all races, genders, and sexualities holding hands and singing kumbuyah! Pretty nice image right??

Until next time guys 🙂 Nikki Ouuuuuut 🙂